Archive for August, 2008
Upper-deki Matsui
In a display of creative ingenuity, the people who operate the Yankee Stadium scoreboard like to refer to Hideki Matsui as Hitdeki. Get it? You see, it sounds like his name and it also has the word “hit” in it. In Japan, members of the press dubbed him “Godzilla” because he was tall, powerful, and [...]
When You’re a Jet, You’re a Jet All the Way
As if it wasn’t bad enough that Fav-ruh had tricked a nation into mispronouncing his last name, now he’s got everyone in New York donning green-tinged slices of cheese on their heads. You know, I didn’t love that he turned us into a country of idiots, but I am personally affronted by what he’s done [...]
Mac Being Mac, Mac
With Sheff being Sheff and Swisher headed West to Oakland, I thought my nostalgia had reached its pinnacle. But then, suddenly, without any warning, the McEnroe we know and love is back. He’s back and more prepared to take on Mike Lowell in a dark alley than ever. (Especially in Mike Lowell’s current condition.) Apparently, [...]
Everything Happens to Manny
I was in a pretty bad way last night. Everything hurt, and I needed something to soften the blow of yet another loss. Ice cream was the obvious solution. I was waiting in line behind a couple of teenagers—a girl and a guy. I gathered from their interaction that they were not so much a [...]
Upset Stomach, Renteria
What do nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and renteria all have in common? Leaving aside the obvious, what these ailments all have in common is that all of them can be remedied quickly and effectively with the same, single miracle drug. And that drug is Pepto Bismol. How do I know that? I know that [...]
The Arubian Knights
There are two kinds of players that baseball fans typically love to hate. There are, of course, the self-absorbed, press-hungry narcissists—the ones who frost their tips and don’t seem to get the concept that baseball is a team sport. (And there’s no I in team.) But then there are the baseball bad boys. The ones [...]
A Good Walk Spoiled
Call me crazy, but I think that golf is confusing. I mean, I get the rules; those seem pretty straightforward. The objective couldn’t be more obvious. And I suspect that everything I don’t know about birdies and eagles and whatever else could probably be easily apprehended if I put a little effort into it. So [...]
Farviavelli
Forgive my absence. There’s been a lot to ponder. In his effort to ruin my life, Fav-ruh has inspired me to do some pretty serious soul-searching—to ask some hard questions. Frankly, I’m exhausted. The last couple of days have been mostly a blur, but I remember that it was pretty soon after the farvastrophe began [...]
Nothing Against David Wright
David Wright, while not in any way an objectionable name, is one of those names that makes people want to do dumb stuff to it. Like start ad campaigns that say “The Wright Stuff.” And print headlines that say, “He’s Got the Wright Stuff.” And flash messages on the scoreboard that say, “The Wright Stuff.” [...]
J-E-T-S Why? Why? Why?
I’m going to channel Tim McCarver for a minute here and state the obvious: there is no baseball in the winter. When there’s no baseball, there’s no Yankees. When there’s no Yankees, there’s a big gaping hole in my life the size of the one in the Mets bullpen. So it was for measured, practical [...]
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