Do you have a problem with drugs or alcohol?

If you answered yes to this question, do you think you’d be responsive if someone asked you about it at a ballgame?

I only inquire because yesterday, at Port St. Loosey-Goosey, somewhere between the craziest rendition of the national anthem I have ever heard in my life and the dirtiest car in the parking lot competition, someone actually did ask us.  In a serious voice that didn’t match the occasion.  Following the question was an inspirational message about where one might seek help for a problem of this nature.  It sounded like a pretty quality facility, though I couldn’t tell you the name-it was hard to hear it over the sound of the beer guy screaming in my ear.

I’m no marketing genius, but this seems like a seriously wasteful use of advertising money.  A spring training ballgame crowd might be the target audience on this one, but I don’t know if it’s the target event.  In my experience, people aren’t usually hitting rock bottom at the ballpark.  Think about it-they’re out enjoying a game in the nice weather with friends.  The drinking problem is not at the forefront of their minds.  That’s why these ad campaigns are generally most effective at 4:30 in the morning on Nick at Nite.  You see, that’s your bread and butter for an alchy in a crisis.

But, then, maybe I just don’t understand the overall PSL marketing ideology.  For example, someone at one of the local banks thought it would be a good idea to use the Tradition Field mascot in order to advertise-and to shape it like a seven.  As in, the number seven.  It’s not just that this mascot breaks the rule that dictates that mascots shouldn’t exist, though it obviously does.  It’s also that its creators appear to have made no effort whatsoever to make this mascot adorable.  Not that these efforts are ever successful, but, still, I believe it puts them in breach of The Principle of Try Your Hardest.

I suppose the seven was meant to make us think of a bank because it’s a number and numbers are banky.  But why a seven?  If it’s not going to be adorable-if they’re going to insist on going with a number-I want logic to dictate what that number is going to be.  Because a mascot seven is sort of like conceptual art; it’s boring to look at, so you hope that there’s a really good explanation behind it.

In any event, for the record, I do not remember the name of this bank, which I think goes to show that this advertising mission was a failure.  But then, I might not be the target demographic here.  After all, I do think that someone created t-shirts guns as a psychological experiment in mob mentalities.

For whatever reason, everyone else seem to just think that those are for fun.