Last month, Pain in the Pujols pulled out of the WBC because of insurance issues.  For whatever reason, Pujols was just too expensive to insure.  Which is strange because he tells us that he’s made a full recovery from last October’s shoulder surgery and is currently completely healthy.  And he is-other than a “high-grade” ligament sprain near the same elbow.

Insurance people are just so persnickety sometimes.

Unable to play for his country, the Dominican Republic, Pujols felt like he needed to find some other way to channel his patriotism. A mind-numbingly stupid and overdramatic way if possible.  For he is a mind-numbingly stupid and overdramatic person.

Well, guess what? Mission accomplished.

Yesterday, Pujols announced that he won’t be playing in the exhibition game between the Domincan Republic and the Cardinals this coming Thursday out of “respect” for his compatriots.

And we all know that Pujols values nothing if not respect.

So, let me just clarify a point real quick, Pujols. During the regular season, do you just not try when you’re up at bat against Tony Pena?  Out of respect?  When you play the Royals during interleague play, do you just respectfully decline on account of the larger than average number of Dominican players on that particular team?

Seriously, Pujols. We’re talking about an exhibition game during the first week of March-the outcome of which is inconsequential in every way imaginable. No one’s making you play in a championship game against the DR for some deeply offensive team like, say, Team Australia.  Stop making us pay attention to you unnecessarily.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:  With a name like that, you’re already working at such a crazy deficit.  Why make it so much harder than it already is to not make fun of you?