When Dan Haren went to check the provisional rosters for this year’s World Baseball Classic, he was surprised to find his name on not one but two of the lists-American and Dutch.

The surprise was less the result of Haren’s feeling of disconnection from his Dutch roots as it was the result of his not having any.  He claims his father is 100% Irish, his mother 100% Mexican.  But according to the people pulling the strings in the fast-paced, high stakes world of baseball in the Netherlands, Haren is a Dutch name.  And that alone is reason enough for him to represent a country with which he is unaffiliated and to which he feels no loyalty.

According to the WBC rules, up to two countries may name someone on their provisional lists. And Haren wasn’t the only player to make the cut more than once.  A-Roid, for example, was faced with the same choice this year as he was in 2006-U.S. or DR.  Having represented the States in ’06, he switched over to the Dominican this year.  And that’s fine-cause we don’t want him.  Rumor has it, they don’t either.  Given the current state of his hip cyst, it looks like no one’s going to have him.

Some insiders say that Milton Bradley was pegged for the Candyland team but was disqualified after authorities discovered that he had falsified documents indicating that he had originally come from the Peppermint Stick forest.

OK.  That was bad.  But I refuse to erase it.

Seriously, though.  Say you’re the Netherlands and you stink, why try to trick people into believing that they’re Dutch when you could just buy their loyalty instead?  Everyone’s got a price.  You want the Dutch to be contenders?  Why don’t you talk to Ichiro Suzuki, see what it would take for him to change his last name to Schoonhoven.  Alex Rodriguez is nothing if not purchasable-and clearly he’s not deeply committed to any one country.  Talk to him.  Talk to Boras.  See how they feel about Alex Brinkherhoff.  Has a certain ring, no?

Without mentioning names (Australia, China, South Africa and Italy), I suggest that other teams consider employing the same strategy.  Well, that or the people organizing the WBC could create rules limiting the number of major leaguers allowed on each team in order to balance the odds.

But however you want to work it in 2012, Japan is already off and running to defend their title this time around-they gave China a 4-0 whoopin’ to kick things off.  Who knows?  Much as I love SK and PR, Japan may just still be-wait for it, wait for it-the team to beat.

(Insult to all WBC teams that aren’t Japan courtesy of Jimmy Rollins.  Never say I don’t attribute my quotes.)