I went to yankees.com this morning to try to buy tickets to a game.  I was under the naïve assumption that this would probably be something like a five minute operation.  Having failed to find seats in my any of my desired locations, I punched in “Best Available”–just to see what would happen.

Here’s what happened.

Apparently, the “best available” tickets to the game in question were  located in a section where the seats cost $2,600 a pop.  It’s not that I hadn’t known that they were charging this much for certain tickets.  However, I took offense at what seemed to be a proposal that I personally pay this much for my tickets.  Moreover, I took offense at the suggestion that I couldn’t attend this particular game unless I was willing to pay this outrageous price.

Look, nothing against the Yankees, but even if I could afford to buy tickets for this much, I wouldn’t.  On general principle.  Seriously. Even if I literally had an infinite amount of disposable income, I just couldn’t buy four tickets at that price.  Not knowing that, with that money, I could probably irrigate a small village in a developing nation or buy all of the items in certain lesser valuable Showcases on The Price is Right.

“Ah, but wait, Melanie,” you will say.  It’s not just about the seats.  It’s about the gourmet food options that come along with it.  According to yesterday’s New York Times, people sitting in these  overpriced seats will have access to the culinary genius of such chefs as Masaharu Morimoto (“Iron Chef”), April Bloomfield (the Spotted Pig), and an assortment of other chefs from Le Cirque and Elaine’s.

Here’s my advice: If you want food from Le Cirque, go to Le Cirque.  If you want to go to Yankee Stadium, eat a pretzel and some peanuts or bring yourself a sandwich.

Good Gossage.  There’s no fusion in baseball.