Ready To Rumble
Forgive me, Yankee fans. My love of nationalism has stolen my focus of late. But with twelve days left until the start of the season, I’m feeling pretty ready to get down to business.
The spring got off to a shaky start, for reasons primarily related to A-Roid, and I confess that I was feeling more than a little bit disappointed. It seemed like the majority of the team fell into one of three categories-coming off a surgery and only questionably healthy, too new to be considered part of the family, or A-Roid.
Yes, A-Roid is a category unto himself.
But over the past few weeks, things have started coming together to allay my anxieties. First of all, there was the A-Roid injury-perhaps the best of all things that could have happened. With the three-ring circus that is A-Roid out of the clubhouse, it’s been easier to pay attention to the more substantive issues. Like, you know, baseball-related issues. Given the fact that all our communication with A-Roid has happened via Cashman via text, it’s not totally impossible that Cashman’s seen to it that A-Roid be locked in some sort of Yankee holding facility somewhere until things settle down. But, whatever. It’s getting the job done. And I’m sure it’s fine with A-Weird-as long as there’s a mirror.
The injuries? Two days ago, Jorge threw out 3 of 4 guys attempting to steal. My feeling about that guy is that, when the time comes, we’re going to be dragging him into retirement with him cursing at us in Spanish all the way. Jorge’s tough. He refuses to quit. And he loves to curse at people in Spanish.
Matsui is also on the mend-looking solid in his new role as DH. If anything, the problem is that Matsui is feeling a little too recovered for his own good. Girardi recently scolded him for shagging fly balls in the outfield and putting his knee at risk. Matsui can’t not work harder than he’s supposed to though. It goes against his entire system of values. Love him. And his system of values.
Mo hit the ground running. He had a perfect frame on his first day back last week, including two strikes out. But I was never worried about Mo. He comes from that weird planet of perfect, adorable pitchers who preach the gospel.
As for the news guys, the longer they hang around, the more I like them. Sure, I was familiar with all of the big name players before they came on board but I didn’t really know them-I certainly didn’t know what to expect from them in the clubhouse.
Teixeira’s was an immediately grounding presence. Maybe I’m a chump, but I like the “Gee whiz, aw shucks” manner in which he discusses the unlikelihood that he would ever take a PED. Given the state of baseball at the moment-of professional sports in general-I don’t take issue with a guy like Teixeira for being a family man and a little bit of a Pollyanna.
Then we have AJ, who I liked from moment go because he had the decency to go on the Mike Francesa Show and tell us he had signed with the Yanks because they offered him the most money. I knew that, you knew that, and yet so many other players would have tried to convince us that money was a secondary concern. I like when people don’t insult me. Burnett also has a Bruce Lee tattoo on his arm that he credits with protecting him from a line drive a few days ago. Not quite sure how that works, but whatever is keeping him healthy, I’m not asking any questions. Seriously, if that guy stays healthy and keeps up the good work, hell, I’ll get a tattoo to match his.
Then, of course, there’s CC, rapidly emerging as the newest leader of the pack. He plans cute group excursions to basketball games, gets the boys together for epic X-box game tournaments. If there’s one thing that’s been sorely lacking in the Yankees clubhouse in recent years it’s any kind of cohesion. Jeter is a great leader, but he leads by example-he inspires. He doesn’t give speeches, bring people together. So I’m hoping CC could be that guy for us.
So, that’s the synopsis, and I’m feeling good. (I’m sure it doesn’t hurt my mood that we beat the crapelbon out of the Chowdas yesterday. 7-1. In your Chowda faces.) That being said, notwithstanding the fact that he posts insane numbers, I would be just as happy if A-Roid were to just stay gone forever. It’s harder to feel good about the team when he’s around. I want to feel good about my team. And from I gather, it’s also harder for the team to come together and do their thing when he’s around. The way I see it, we’re not the Reds. We have a lineup that can more than hold its own without him. And sometimes the sacrifice on the field is worth the benefit to the clubhouse.
If I was A-Roid, I would fake an injury until the day I died to avoid walking into that clubhouse and facing everyone after the humiliation of the mirror porn. True, to do so would defy the Principle of Try Your Hardest. However, I believe there is another principle that overrides this one in importance. That would be the Principle of Don’t Ever Be Seen In Public Again Once You’ve Been Photographed Making Out With a Mirror. For those of you who have read To Kill A Mockingbird, think about it: what do you think really happened to Boo Radley?
You never really know a man until you look in his mirror and make out with it.
Brilliant/Hilarious
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