At the moment, there are a lot of things going on that I could talk about.

A.J. Burnett returning to his old hometown, where he was met by both a crushing defeat and a chorus of boos.  Upper-deki leaving the game after just one at-bat with a strained hamstring. Derek Jeter sitting out last night’s game with a sore right oblique and how worried we are or aren’t supposed to be about that.  (He says we aren’t, but he’s generally disinclined to tell us the truth about this stuff. He doesn’t like us to worry, which is thoughtful.)

But, instead, I’d rather talk about the wind patterns in the Bronx.  Because isn’t that what’s really weighing heavy on our minds?  Yesterday, the New York Post ran an article about the Yanks’ efforts to determine what in the heck could possibly explain the fact that in the first 13 games at the new stadium, there have been a whopping total of 47 balls hit out of the park –32 to right field.  In order to get to the bottom of this troubling issue, the Yanks’ front office people have compiled a panel of wind experts to monitor and study — you guessed it — the wind.  And wouldn’t you know?  According to Yankees COO Lonnie Trost, “The winds we were having were the least likely winds to occur.”

The least likely winds to occur.

I’m sorry, but you can’t make this stuff up.

He went onto say, “We’ll always look and we’ll always analyze. And right now, I don’t know if I can do anything about wind.”

Wait.  What?  So, did you go into this study with the idea in mind that maybe you would come out of it with some kind of idea as to how you might actually be able to control the naturally occurring phenomenon that is the wind?  Because when you say, “I don’t know if I can do anything about the wind,” it sort of sounds like you did.  It also sort of sounds like, even though you can’t now,  you think  that one day you might be able to.

Lonnie, you seem like a guy who can take it, so I’m going to give it to you straight:  You will NEVER be able to do anything about the wind.  Conducting this study was NEVER going to be anything other than a monumental waste of money and fodder for my blog.

Seriously.  Sometimes when these guys open their mouths and say things, it makes me feel like I’m living in a Kurt Vonnegut book.

However, as a potentially less wasteful use of their time, the Yankees are also looking into their ticket plans and whether or not they’ve done enough to enable to the real fans to actually come to see ballgames.  As of now, Trost thinks it’s too soon to tell.  “Every day we look at it and analyze it,” he said. “Could you really tell what’s taken place in two homestands with 90 percent of them in rain? I can’t.”

Funny, because I was actually at some of those games, and my assessment was that no one was coming.  I mean, we’re Yankees fans.  Overpriced tickets may keep us away, but rain?  Don’t insult us.